Waking Up-again

[avad]

I've been sleepwalking through life again....forgetting. Last night on impulse, before bed I put on a Fiona Apple CD and sang the songs, losing myself in them and the mood and the sound of voice, my voice, of sound coming out....something with breath, notes, sighs, sounds, something coming from within me...out. Catching glimpses of other parts of me I have been forgetting.. a strength that I haven't called on in a long time. This part of me is not easy, it/she does not abide by logic, the emotions are mixes of pain and longing...but it is rich, full to bursting with deep complicated mystery that wants to flow out. Fiona Apple calls that part of me to the surface because she is singing from that part in herself. PJ Harvey and Bjork also. Like a summoning. A tuning fork. A much needed bell ringing. Make the magic sound and that part of me floats up into the sky in view and ...such Fireworks.

Ani Difranco's Up Up Up Up helping me remember the beauty in the story of each day, each life. In the details. In the 'imperfect' now. In the basement I am priming wood pieces...rolling the white paint over and over...lost in the music and the beauty of this day in the story of my life, of my little spot in the big picture.
Waking up a bit.
Over dinner I try to talk about it...using words like realms andlayers and fog...but it is impossible. Instead I watch him eat pasta and it is beautiful.
After dinner a lightning burst of IT while washing a pot....the gleeful orgasm of finally really realizing you're alive!
just being able to feel the metal and food and suds with my fingers was like
heaven
angels
bliss
overwhelming gratitude
thank you for this one day.

Comments

miss-remembered and a beeny cap

[rokkitz.livejournal.com]

funny you said "tuning fork"; i've been drawing little doodles of tuning forks and wave patterns. please excuse the overlap ;o)

to forget and to remember is human, like sleeping and waking. the Great Tragedy is the True Forgetting, more like erasing than actually misremembering... i suspect the Forgetting is something out of the scope of human dimensions. like gawd-aliens editing the universe... or something. and for that matter, i wouldn't want to Remember all the time. keeping it all in surface awareness would be freaky stuffs; if i were the buddha i'd definitely want sunglasses. or a beeny-cap with a little propeller...

i'll set a trail for you: the first clue is a transition from Mnemosyne to Mnemosign... the mystery deepens