My idea of Highest Living Moments
Jul. 27th, 2003 12:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
avadOn Tues. the 22nd I woke late to a grey, moist day. I dragged myself out of the house after many delays, with the intention of getting to the gym. But roadwork there made it seem impossible to get there and park and after a while I just turned around and headed back. It seemed like such a waste of time to have driven the 20 minutes...so I felt compelled to stop somewhere and enjoy a slightly different scenery with my coffee. I ended up back by a house I used to rent back in 93 when I was in college. The house that spoiled me for life because it was right on the bay with a rowboat, an incredible view deck right off my bedroom, etc, and we paid hardly Anything for one lucky winter. *sigh*
I parked my car nearby and walked towards the water. Oddly enough the ground seemed to be moving in front of me. I stopped and so did it. I moved forward and it became alive again. It was Dozens of tiny crabs scuttling to little holes in the ground whenever I moved! I stared, amazed. Beautiful blue carapaces with one huge white-peach unweildy claw each (which seemed too big for their little bodies to carry!). Their sideways scuttle-dance made me laugh. And the marshy smell, the wet sand/dirt cruncking under my sneakers...all this was so familiar to me, that memory connections sparked like fireworks in my brain until every step was heavy-laden with nostalgia.
Large horseshoe crabs were overturned, dead in the long marsh grass. I contemplate their ancient fossil forms...strange that they are still perpetuating in 2003.(!)
After taking in the view of the bay from that spot I turn around and taking my coffee mug I walk down the nearby residential streets.
A feeling like longing...like jealousy...rises up in me as I walk by the large homes. To own a home...*sigh*... right by the bay...is my idea of paradise....the quiet! The smells, the breeze!
My gratitude program kicks in/on and I forcibly remind myself how lucky I am to be even walking here on this day...to live/rent nearby, to be healthy and have this TIME to breathe in this beauty.
An orange and white spaniel barks a warning and comes over to inspect me, we make friends, walk a while and, assured of my benign nature, he/she goes back to resting and protecting its house.
I go back to my car and drive down a side street to park at a more beach-like spot, and with a little walk I find myself right by the sandbar that was always seen in the distance from my old house!! This mysterious 'rowboat destination' was so unexpectedly accessible?! I grab my journal and coffee and run back to sit at what might be the one of the most beautiful perfect and hidden vantage points I've found yet. One section of shore was carved out into a mini-peninsula jutting out to the water and almost meeting the sandbar...and there was just enough room to sit comfortably at the tip!
I watch a small white crane searching for fish...
I breathe.
Two large white swans appear with 4 teenage downy grey-brown baby swans behind them...and this miraculous parade goes right by me slowly...and I am smiling and feeling so HONORED to be there!
I sketch a childish map of this place in my bookjournal...the pages feeling soft from the moist air.
THIS IS LIFE AT THE ABSOLUTE FULLEST FOR ME.
I know this now...though it always surprises me...because I don't tend to think of myself as a 'nature-girl'. I know I love nature...but it's hard to explain what I mean..
It's a quality of living...pensive, contemplative, open, quiet,observant, thankful. Sometimes I can find it sitting in NYC watching people walk by..or on a train, looking out the window...
But this type of living, seeing, is PRICELESS.
No amount of money,
No party,
No fame,
No power,
can replace it.
Coffee is finished. Goosebumps on my bare legs..short stubble from not shaving them today.I SEE everything a bit crisper, my senses hightened.
I am reluctant to leave this new spot...but eventually do. I know I will return.
And in the car I drive listening to Mazzy Star....relaxed, open, awed..
I parked my car nearby and walked towards the water. Oddly enough the ground seemed to be moving in front of me. I stopped and so did it. I moved forward and it became alive again. It was Dozens of tiny crabs scuttling to little holes in the ground whenever I moved! I stared, amazed. Beautiful blue carapaces with one huge white-peach unweildy claw each (which seemed too big for their little bodies to carry!). Their sideways scuttle-dance made me laugh. And the marshy smell, the wet sand/dirt cruncking under my sneakers...all this was so familiar to me, that memory connections sparked like fireworks in my brain until every step was heavy-laden with nostalgia.
Large horseshoe crabs were overturned, dead in the long marsh grass. I contemplate their ancient fossil forms...strange that they are still perpetuating in 2003.(!)
After taking in the view of the bay from that spot I turn around and taking my coffee mug I walk down the nearby residential streets.
A feeling like longing...like jealousy...rises up in me as I walk by the large homes. To own a home...*sigh*... right by the bay...is my idea of paradise....the quiet! The smells, the breeze!
My gratitude program kicks in/on and I forcibly remind myself how lucky I am to be even walking here on this day...to live/rent nearby, to be healthy and have this TIME to breathe in this beauty.
An orange and white spaniel barks a warning and comes over to inspect me, we make friends, walk a while and, assured of my benign nature, he/she goes back to resting and protecting its house.
I go back to my car and drive down a side street to park at a more beach-like spot, and with a little walk I find myself right by the sandbar that was always seen in the distance from my old house!! This mysterious 'rowboat destination' was so unexpectedly accessible?! I grab my journal and coffee and run back to sit at what might be the one of the most beautiful perfect and hidden vantage points I've found yet. One section of shore was carved out into a mini-peninsula jutting out to the water and almost meeting the sandbar...and there was just enough room to sit comfortably at the tip!
I watch a small white crane searching for fish...
I breathe.
Two large white swans appear with 4 teenage downy grey-brown baby swans behind them...and this miraculous parade goes right by me slowly...and I am smiling and feeling so HONORED to be there!
I sketch a childish map of this place in my bookjournal...the pages feeling soft from the moist air.
THIS IS LIFE AT THE ABSOLUTE FULLEST FOR ME.
I know this now...though it always surprises me...because I don't tend to think of myself as a 'nature-girl'. I know I love nature...but it's hard to explain what I mean..
It's a quality of living...pensive, contemplative, open, quiet,observant, thankful. Sometimes I can find it sitting in NYC watching people walk by..or on a train, looking out the window...
But this type of living, seeing, is PRICELESS.
No amount of money,
No party,
No fame,
No power,
can replace it.
Coffee is finished. Goosebumps on my bare legs..short stubble from not shaving them today.I SEE everything a bit crisper, my senses hightened.
I am reluctant to leave this new spot...but eventually do. I know I will return.
And in the car I drive listening to Mazzy Star....relaxed, open, awed..
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Date: 2003-07-27 12:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-27 02:42 pm (UTC)*sits by mailbox with pillow*
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