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Inner chambers
Dec. 17th, 2004 02:35 pmI'm going diving again....looking for something..I'm not sure what...following flickering halfsigns...
Impossible (or just difficult) to explain to others...what/why I must do.
Surfing memories...touching...looking through them like files...there- over there- something!Closer.
Me at 16..17...a certain dress...yes..the belt..important...the feeling of the belt..makes me feel grown up?...and it is warm, hot,humid weather...makes a dew on the skin...look at the wall..the cement wall..touch it with fingers..tracing the roughness...sounds..construction going on nearby..muffled..by the air and distance...where am I? Puerto Rico? Florida? Someplace hot..maybe just LI in summer..either way..I'm in.I know how it feels to drink water from a bottle there and have a few drops momentarily cool on the corner of my mouth and then warm as they adjust to my temperature. Flushed face. Why am I here...in this memory...what am I looking for...So many things attached..thinking of the belt, then I can see my white closet, I can see the rug in my old room...ok so I am in my old house now....But where was i before...with the waisthigh concrete wall..outdoors...?
*sigh*
I'm out again. Something nagging me...making soft sounds within some little box in a little room in an inner chamber of my mind.
The shades are drawn. I Pray the phone does not ring again. I need quiet. Space. I hear seagulls...no perhaps crows...the sounds have threads to many other memories and spaces...I flick through them quickly barely tasting. Car sound in the distance..almost triggering a dive...but then the refridgerator hum comes on loud and I'm back up. It is all right here...waiting. The dimensions overlap. I have my hand on the doorknob...
Impossible (or just difficult) to explain to others...what/why I must do.
Surfing memories...touching...looking through them like files...there- over there- something!Closer.
Me at 16..17...a certain dress...yes..the belt..important...the feeling of the belt..makes me feel grown up?...and it is warm, hot,humid weather...makes a dew on the skin...look at the wall..the cement wall..touch it with fingers..tracing the roughness...sounds..construction going on nearby..muffled..by the air and distance...where am I? Puerto Rico? Florida? Someplace hot..maybe just LI in summer..either way..I'm in.I know how it feels to drink water from a bottle there and have a few drops momentarily cool on the corner of my mouth and then warm as they adjust to my temperature. Flushed face. Why am I here...in this memory...what am I looking for...So many things attached..thinking of the belt, then I can see my white closet, I can see the rug in my old room...ok so I am in my old house now....But where was i before...with the waisthigh concrete wall..outdoors...?
*sigh*
I'm out again. Something nagging me...making soft sounds within some little box in a little room in an inner chamber of my mind.
The shades are drawn. I Pray the phone does not ring again. I need quiet. Space. I hear seagulls...no perhaps crows...the sounds have threads to many other memories and spaces...I flick through them quickly barely tasting. Car sound in the distance..almost triggering a dive...but then the refridgerator hum comes on loud and I'm back up. It is all right here...waiting. The dimensions overlap. I have my hand on the doorknob...
