true then, true now (from an old diary)

[avad]

"You know,I think it's my (mis)perception of time that causes me the most anxiety in this life. Afraid of not accomplishing this or that by this particular date. Afraid that if I spend too much time here or reading or writing or doing the things I enjoy so much, everything will fall apart. I'll be broke, unable to pay my rent, and certainly unable to travel like I'm trying to save up for or do anything else that takes money. And I'll be letting people down, people who shouldn't have to worry about me.

But in these quiet moments.... sometimes I find the most beautiful clarity. Usually abstract. But a sense of things that adds a depth and color to everything I look at. Or an intellectual excitement, like the feeling: "I'm on to something here...." Or I spin and weave ideas together in my head, layering, superimposing many concepts and images to see where they meld.....until I'm dizzy and frustrated OR sometimes reach my favorite state of being: an amused Wonder. Everything so complex and absurd and just out of reach of my straining mind. Like a friendly tease. Metaphor? I see myself as this eager puppy up on my hind legs, reaching for the Biscuit of All Answers that's being dangled down in front of me by a most loving _______ and pulled away a few times with a smile.It is tiring to be on my hind legs, I can only hold it for a few seconds and then I'm back to ground. But right back up I go, tail wagging, drooling.
________ is not being cruel.
Just a love of that moment,and all that is in that moment is somehow more important than the biscuit. "

Comments

[babayada.livejournal.com]

The anticipation is just terrible... I hope it lasts forever!
-- Willy Wonka, paraphrased

It sounds like a nice feeling.

Reminds me, kinda, of the first trip I went on. I was all worried about it. I made all sort of preparations, just in case it'd be a bad trip. And once I was in the middle of it, I looked at all my preparations and just laughed and laughed at myself. I had no idea that it was going to be this good and that there was nothing to worry about. My brain was on fire with delight, and everything seemed absolutely full of wonder, and, well, wonderful.

I was amazed at how fluid and quick my thoughts were. I couldn't worry about anything because my mind wouldn't get stuck on a single thought, they just came and came and came very fluidly, and I didn't want to try and hold on to anything, just experience what was happening to me.

It was really great. Ahhh, I miss it.

[avad.livejournal.com]

aw man I love that story!*smilin big now*

[babayada.livejournal.com]

My mom read the great glass elevator to us before bed when we were kids. It was nice.

[orangelo.livejournal.com]

I love this post, I can relate to it in so many ways
:)

[anztac.livejournal.com]

I know EXACTLY what you mean. That state of profoundness.. ussually I get that when I can curl up with some tombs and start reading sections from each, things start crossing together, falling in to place... I have to stop after every sentence because it's become so profound... ussually my vision starts getting whiter and brighter: talk about lucidity! I think it's pure shen (spirit energy) rising into my head.

And you knw what keep me feeling safe and cozy? The concept Bucky put forth that "If you are doing something for Universe, it will provide for you."

I worry too, but somewhere deep inside I know it will all work out. Always has, and as long I'm working for the Universe it will...

Mhh

[avad.livejournal.com]

yay yes. !:)
ANd totally withya- these are entries I tagged as Bucky Magic (http://avad.livejournal.com/tag/bucky+magic) :)

Again you write as if from my own thoughts!

[eyeclectic.livejournal.com]

One day Eye grasped a wildly comfortable, overwhelmingly simple complexity of REALization! It was so amazingly clear it made every cell of my being smile! But then, just as Eye tried to focus and explore it, as if literally by hand, like it was something We just aren't ready for (yet), it was pulled away from my mind, leaving me wondering what it was, while now aware that something more than We know exists. Row, row, row your boat~>

Positively,
JS : )

Re: Again you write as if from my own thoughts!

[avad.livejournal.com]

:)!!beautiful mystery always plays hide and seek;)

[rokkitz.livejournal.com]

you just completely described a sequence of concentric rings of attention that leads to a state of perfect meditation... Meditating-on-your-Feet. i think the dizziness is why most people sit. fly through Wonder, sky pilot!!

[avad.livejournal.com]

:)!