Angel prod

Prompted by that lil angel (last entry) reminding me of death, I woke up that next day and sat down to write a few pages that I realized I would really kick my for not having written if death were to come knocking unexpectedly. Assessing my life, I was pretty amazed to see I felt good about most things, especially that I think everyone has a good idea about how much I love them...so I wouldn't be running around doing that. In fact, I felt a sort of peace realizing I wouldn't tell anyone about my impending death...but I would try to sit and write something inspiring and loving....probably on the computer so it could be mass-mailed to friends and family after my death (guess I'd have to leave B a note indicating that as a wish). But one thing DID ring out strongly...and alarmed me with projected regret...and that was that the ideas that were given to me in dreams...ideas that guide me to this day in my art, life and what I research and am trying to learn..ideas that give me my sense of purpose...had not been written out clearly and concisely anywhere. Sure, bits and pieces here and there in my journals, bookjournals...notebooks...and if anyone were bored enough to read all of them they might find a common thread indicating my direction...but most likely it would just fizzle out and never make it to the surface, to a place someone else might act on it. And that I know- that if I were to die before helping start this idea/project...I would really really really want others to do it. Because I think it needs to happen. SO.
I wrote about 5 pages, general outline of the project/vision, and I told B that I would want it to be dispersed or given to people he thought might act on it.
And 5:00 came and went, and I stayed alive, but now I feel much better knowing those pages exist.

Art night

MMMMM not a bad night...I'm at the kitchen table working on art (new 12" square pieces) with my Polly Pockets all around for inspiration and my paint markers in all colors....paint/drawing the first layer of many layer pieces.
Strange stuff..different than how I'm used to working...less painterly, more graphic,illustrative. I feel like I'm back in grade school making drawings...and it's quite refreshing. Harder in some ways, because I have to control the image...but I'm trying to not get toooooo anal and let it be just a bit childish/adolescent. The colors are caannnndy.
CD player nearby..thermos of Bustelo coffee with vanilla caramel creamer....and the new(er) laptop right on the table too so I can take frequent computer breaks!(this is new and fun) (also using it for Google image search for more variations on a dollhouse room theme).
Wonder how long I'll stay up. it's midnight now and I'm wide awake and the music's pumpin.;)