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Generations
Jul. 18th, 2003 12:16 pmB.'s grandmother passed away.
82, not bad.
He built a box, covered it in chicken wire and we tied yellow mums and sunflowers all over it as a tribute.
At the wake, I relished seeing all the old photos of his family...I am so mystified by the blurring of past and present. Still cannot see myself or him as the 'grown-ups' we supposedly are now.
The day layers itself over my memories of other wakes...of my own grandmother's and my grandfather's. I still feel like the child I was then. Watching the grown-ups...the grief...still not understanding the need to view the dead body. She's not there! She's gone!
This time I go up to the casket, but only to support B. I wished he didn't stay so long there....they did not do a good job with her presentation...and I would much prefer to remember her as I had seen her last.Not like this.
I walk with him through streets in Queens, the sounds and smells and sights all bringing back childhood and my own grandparents. Feels like it was yesterday.Pavement and shoes...summer breeze..traffic sounds..smell of diesel...it's all just as it was. But they are gone now. Have been for so long!
And we ride the wave of our own lives towards the inevitable.
Endless ocean.I am both alive and dead, I am living and remembering.
I am lost in a delicious memory of my life...and everything seems so real. It's as if I just wrote this.
82, not bad.
He built a box, covered it in chicken wire and we tied yellow mums and sunflowers all over it as a tribute.
At the wake, I relished seeing all the old photos of his family...I am so mystified by the blurring of past and present. Still cannot see myself or him as the 'grown-ups' we supposedly are now.
The day layers itself over my memories of other wakes...of my own grandmother's and my grandfather's. I still feel like the child I was then. Watching the grown-ups...the grief...still not understanding the need to view the dead body. She's not there! She's gone!
This time I go up to the casket, but only to support B. I wished he didn't stay so long there....they did not do a good job with her presentation...and I would much prefer to remember her as I had seen her last.Not like this.
I walk with him through streets in Queens, the sounds and smells and sights all bringing back childhood and my own grandparents. Feels like it was yesterday.Pavement and shoes...summer breeze..traffic sounds..smell of diesel...it's all just as it was. But they are gone now. Have been for so long!
And we ride the wave of our own lives towards the inevitable.
Endless ocean.I am both alive and dead, I am living and remembering.
I am lost in a delicious memory of my life...and everything seems so real. It's as if I just wrote this.
