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AdverGaming
I want to cry.
I knew it was coming. *sigh*
Dreamt this so many years ago...and the feeling of urgency...the questions/challenges...HOW do we use these evolving technologies and the surges of attention/energy for the GOOD of humanity, not just corporate greed?? The same technology has the power to totally change our economic system to symbiotically support areas of great need...developing countries...areas of suffering...The dream indicated that it would have to be emergent WITH the technology...the infrastructure would have to be PREDESIGNED to benefit the charitable organizations...and the launching of it would be immense, collaborative, exciting, heralding a new world possibility...of cooperation. Everyone wanting to be a part of it and to watch it grow.
And now almost 6 years later I've really done nothing (I didn't know HOW- it felt so beyond me!!) and I watch as it all happens...but with the bent we were hoping somehow to avert. the memes propogating here are 'go spend and support our corporate greed' instead of all the beautiful memes that could be reaching the masses.
"There has to be a vision...so compelling...that it thwarts the natural tendency to selfishness...rewiring the pleasure-centers of the brain to connect to benevolent action strongly...a new vision of the self...as part of a benevolent organism...."
And I made artwork with the visions. And I read. And I was inspired..linking, making common interest friends...but...
I never MOVED any of these ideas formally!. And they were shown to me as store and webportal, not painting and dinner chat.The 10% club remains a semisecret vow I've taken personally...instead of a MOVEMENT throught the business sector as it is 'supposed' to be...with cooperating businesses and a web portal to charities. Pier 10 would be a conglomerate of these businesses...in 3d immersive virtual worlds (gaming).
ugh. I feel sick. I don't know how to explain the haunting and heavy feeling of responsibility I feel for something that yes seems totally beyond me. I just want to cry. I don't know how to do this!!!!!!
I don't think I've been able to truly convey to even one person the Magnitude of what I feel relating to this...and I feel horrible and guilty and I dont' want to hear that I shouldn't I want someone to understand that there's something SO important that needs to be DONE!!!!!!!!It feels so late now. Impossible to catch up to the speed of things happening....I just don't know!
fcking sobbing crying my eyes out
sick of not being able to express
sick of myself and my avoidance and my laziness
years years years have gone by
I was made aware of our chance....and did nothing
because it seemed 'too hard, too complicated' to do
and much Much too social, collaborative.
Noooo...darlene wants to be alone and have her peace and quiet...
while everything poises on the shiftpoint
and people around the world suffer
and she's shown a diagram of how to help
a little piece of the puzzle
but it feels to difficult to express
and doesn't make lightning when she tries
so she lets it slide
deprioritized
Deprioritized?
how dare i
*screamsob*
I knew it was coming. *sigh*
Dreamt this so many years ago...and the feeling of urgency...the questions/challenges...HOW do we use these evolving technologies and the surges of attention/energy for the GOOD of humanity, not just corporate greed?? The same technology has the power to totally change our economic system to symbiotically support areas of great need...developing countries...areas of suffering...The dream indicated that it would have to be emergent WITH the technology...the infrastructure would have to be PREDESIGNED to benefit the charitable organizations...and the launching of it would be immense, collaborative, exciting, heralding a new world possibility...of cooperation. Everyone wanting to be a part of it and to watch it grow.
And now almost 6 years later I've really done nothing (I didn't know HOW- it felt so beyond me!!) and I watch as it all happens...but with the bent we were hoping somehow to avert. the memes propogating here are 'go spend and support our corporate greed' instead of all the beautiful memes that could be reaching the masses.
"There has to be a vision...so compelling...that it thwarts the natural tendency to selfishness...rewiring the pleasure-centers of the brain to connect to benevolent action strongly...a new vision of the self...as part of a benevolent organism...."
And I made artwork with the visions. And I read. And I was inspired..linking, making common interest friends...but...
I never MOVED any of these ideas formally!. And they were shown to me as store and webportal, not painting and dinner chat.The 10% club remains a semisecret vow I've taken personally...instead of a MOVEMENT throught the business sector as it is 'supposed' to be...with cooperating businesses and a web portal to charities. Pier 10 would be a conglomerate of these businesses...in 3d immersive virtual worlds (gaming).
ugh. I feel sick. I don't know how to explain the haunting and heavy feeling of responsibility I feel for something that yes seems totally beyond me. I just want to cry. I don't know how to do this!!!!!!
I don't think I've been able to truly convey to even one person the Magnitude of what I feel relating to this...and I feel horrible and guilty and I dont' want to hear that I shouldn't I want someone to understand that there's something SO important that needs to be DONE!!!!!!!!It feels so late now. Impossible to catch up to the speed of things happening....I just don't know!
fcking sobbing crying my eyes out
sick of not being able to express
sick of myself and my avoidance and my laziness
years years years have gone by
I was made aware of our chance....and did nothing
because it seemed 'too hard, too complicated' to do
and much Much too social, collaborative.
Noooo...darlene wants to be alone and have her peace and quiet...
while everything poises on the shiftpoint
and people around the world suffer
and she's shown a diagram of how to help
a little piece of the puzzle
but it feels to difficult to express
and doesn't make lightning when she tries
so she lets it slide
deprioritized
Deprioritized?
how dare i
*screamsob*
no subject
It's hard to figure out what we should hold on to and what we should let go.
Is this thing yours? Is it something you've been told you should do and have internalized? Or what?
I face similar problems in my life. No matter what I do I wonder if this is pursuing my purpose in life. Trouble is, I don't know what that purpose is, or really if there is one...?
I generally settle on figuring that purpose is self-defined and that I am responding to cultural conditioning in thinking that I should have this idyllic purpose that informs of my actions.
With some things, we get in a funk and issues like these are just the straws that break the camel's back. They are just a face that a deep, turbulent energy takes when it manifests a form and pops out.
With some things, sooner or later, push comes to shove and we are forced to decide on a deep level to either pursue something fully or to completely drop it. That way we don't torture ourselves about it.
A possibility is that you work on a term using what you know to be your strengths while others are using their strengths to complement your weaknesses ... it doesn't have to be a one woman crusade.
Just some random thoughts.
no subject
I really don't know any other way to be than following my dreams. There's no question in my mind about 'if I can give it up', I really can't. I do feel wholeheartedly that it is a part of my purpose here on earth, and I have to do what I can.
I can deprioritize it for a while but then it all comes to the surface again so strongly with triggers..like today..I don't know if that's a good or bad thing but it's the way I live. I totally believe in my dreams. They have foretold events small and large. I can't explain it, but I can't help but believe it. I have plenty more reasons to believe it than I have reasons not to.
Things add up.
This one was particularly elaborate and straightforward. Instructionlike. Informative.
And about things I really had no understanding of at the time. (immersive 3d webportals back when I wouldn't even go onto a computer to try this scary thing called 'email').
It definitely wouldn't be a 'one-woman crusade'. That's actually one of the things that has created the tension and procrastination in me.
Because as an artist, my work, my projects have always been done pretty much in isolation...in a realm where I didn't need to Verbalize or Prove or Convince things to others. And then...well, it's abstract art...I can sort of let go and let people take it in at whatever level they do.
But *sigh* this other thing...is different.
In order to have it manifest...I would have to 'convince' others of its validity, to get people with the right skills to collaborate, etc. and that's something i'm not comfortable doing and I feel bad at.And I'm postponing indefinitely out of fear and my own desire to work quietly and alone and not have to EXPLAIN things that are hard to explain.
Here on this journal I can be myself pretty much.
I'm letting it out, saying things I probably wouldn't in other forums, in the 'real' world. I'm telling you here that the main reason I'm behind this idea so fully is because I had a vision in a dream that told me to and I believe it and everything I've learned since then has just reinforced its validity to me.
that's not exactly something easy to say.
And probably something I shouldn't say in order to be taken seriously in the 'business world'.
But it's true and it's me and it's exhausting to even think of trying to hide it and think of 'better ways' to get ideas across.
*sigh*
no subject
Many business people are visionaries, so I don't think talking about dreams will seem too crazy, you just got to translate it into business-speak, I guess. I mean, look at Steve Jobs. He's a visionary. He talks in terms of dreams. So did Martin Luther king.
Think of all the crazy things that people are convinced to believe and do. They had to get those ideas in their heads somehow. You can do it.
I totally understand the working alone vs. working in groups thing. Do you see yourself as a leader of this project, or perhaps a part of something that's already being led and matches your vision?
There are benefits to working in groups, though, that you might not be looking at. Depending on the people, it can be better than working alone. You get to experience synergy, you don't have to do all the work, there are jokes and fun, etc.
You never know, you might find a like-minded individual who is a mouthpiece for the ideas.
no subject
I've only done that a few rare times. When it 'worked' (well, sort of I think)..I had actually hammered the question into an artwork...asking for guidance in dreams.and got a doozy.
*exhale*
Well, I should be working on a nail piece by next week (Page 7 of The Book of Hope) so it seems a good time).
Hmmmm No,I really DON'T see myself as the Leader of this project. (big sigh of relief).Actually I saw myself pretty clearly as being on a 'board' of sorts...but definitely keeping some important 'requisites' in the discussion...about predation and symbiosis,corporate responsibility and the creation of a benevolent organism..
Falling across the site I mention in the post (2 forward?) about Serendipity really seems to point the way...these are forums for just this purpose..!eek
no subject
Regarding the subjects that are requisite for discussion, have you ever seen Joseph Campbell's lectures in the Mythos series or in the Power of Myth programs?
no subject