![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
true then, true now (from an old diary)
"You know,I think it's my (mis)perception of time that causes me the most anxiety in this life. Afraid of not accomplishing this or that by this particular date. Afraid that if I spend too much time here or reading or writing or doing the things I enjoy so much, everything will fall apart. I'll be broke, unable to pay my rent, and certainly unable to travel like I'm trying to save up for or do anything else that takes money. And I'll be letting people down, people who shouldn't have to worry about me.
But in these quiet moments.... sometimes I find the most beautiful clarity. Usually abstract. But a sense of things that adds a depth and color to everything I look at. Or an intellectual excitement, like the feeling: "I'm on to something here...." Or I spin and weave ideas together in my head, layering, superimposing many concepts and images to see where they meld.....until I'm dizzy and frustrated OR sometimes reach my favorite state of being: an amused Wonder. Everything so complex and absurd and just out of reach of my straining mind. Like a friendly tease. Metaphor? I see myself as this eager puppy up on my hind legs, reaching for the Biscuit of All Answers that's being dangled down in front of me by a most loving _______ and pulled away a few times with a smile.It is tiring to be on my hind legs, I can only hold it for a few seconds and then I'm back to ground. But right back up I go, tail wagging, drooling.
________ is not being cruel.
Just a love of that moment,and all that is in that moment is somehow more important than the biscuit. "
But in these quiet moments.... sometimes I find the most beautiful clarity. Usually abstract. But a sense of things that adds a depth and color to everything I look at. Or an intellectual excitement, like the feeling: "I'm on to something here...." Or I spin and weave ideas together in my head, layering, superimposing many concepts and images to see where they meld.....until I'm dizzy and frustrated OR sometimes reach my favorite state of being: an amused Wonder. Everything so complex and absurd and just out of reach of my straining mind. Like a friendly tease. Metaphor? I see myself as this eager puppy up on my hind legs, reaching for the Biscuit of All Answers that's being dangled down in front of me by a most loving _______ and pulled away a few times with a smile.It is tiring to be on my hind legs, I can only hold it for a few seconds and then I'm back to ground. But right back up I go, tail wagging, drooling.
________ is not being cruel.
Just a love of that moment,and all that is in that moment is somehow more important than the biscuit. "
no subject
no subject